Scientist in Japan - Sara Groves

I loved this artist when I woke up yesterday, but after a received a link to her video yesterday, Sara Groves earned even more admiration and respect from me. Listen to her reasoning for writing her song, Scientist in Japan, and then listen to the song too. Will you stay?

Unforgivable Mistakes?

"For 1st time ever, parents must have "digital footprint" conversations with kids. Kids don't understand online is forever." A tweet by Jon Acuff' from Stuff Christians Like

This simple sentence sent me into an almost panic. Although I knew it, I suddenly realized how dangerous the internet is to kids that are experimenting in life. Immediately my mind was racing trying to find an analogy, something that is similar in life that is just as dangerous. What did I come up with? What I imagine a 1950's small town would be like - a place that is hard to get away from (or even conceive of something different) where everyone knows everything you've ever done and you can never "lose" your past. That doesn't mean that there isn't some great things about a town like that but living down your mistakes is not one of them. It also brings to mind the fears that I hear from upcoming theologians about publishing articles. Publishing anything is like writing a piece of your statement of faith and if that piece of your faith ever morphs on your lifelong journey with God, people can still point back and "use against you" what you once believed. But then, as happens so often, God responded to my concerns. I have a blog that I read written by missionaries to Haiti that wrote specifically about this ON THE SAME DAY! Here's what was said:

The paradox of Haiti certainly creates conflict within us. There are plenty of posts that were written from a place of deep pain and total confusion. There are many more written from places of great encouragement and pure joy. I don't want to be defined by things I said in dark times. Some of what I've written over the years is not how I feel today. I have been tempted to go back and get rid of stuff I wrote when I was hurt or confused or just tired and vulnerable. The problem is, if I do that I make part of this story untrue. I make the journey into something it is not. To be truthful is to acknowledge that parts of the journey are high places and parts of it are low places and that people change... Their hearts change, their minds change, their moods change...sometimes all in the same day. We are thankful that the vast majority of people offer grace and understanding as we walk through it all - the ups and downs, emotions, and confusion that injustice and traumatic events can cause. Life is so messy - and we are messier still - But here's to an honest journey. We don't want to fake anything.

Whew... I can mess up and it can still be part of my journey with God and I can have faith that "the vast majority of people offer grace and understanding". That is not to say that I shouldn't teach prudence to my children (and remember for myself too!) when it comes to handling themselves online... but I want to teach them that this life is more about a journey to a known destination, the arms of their loving Father.

Need some uplifting today? (like I did)

This website is really great. I have been following it for a few weeks now and have not been disappointed. The guy that authors it, Jon, is a great example of someone that is trying to seek God and proclaim Him to others in a great and useful way. He is mostly hilarious! I love his blog because most days it makes me laugh, but from what I've seen, Wednesdays are his serious topic days. Today, this post did a great job of delivering some God Words into my day, week, year.... life. Thanks, Jon.

God is good!

Tomorrow will mark 12 years that have gone by since my Sarah was born. This is first year of what I hope to make a tradition in my house - the "Sarah cake". I was trying to explain to Ben a couple days ago that this is NOT a birthday cake to remember the day that Sarah was born - that is much too sad of a thing for me to remember. This cake doesn't really celebrate anything but God's goodness. The time in my life that I conceived and carried Sarah was very hard but at my lowest God met me and ushered me into a new relationship with Him. He held my hand and sometimes "carried" me; He showed me His love in ways that I can't fully explain in words. This cake is the start of my attempt to share with my family that God can use seemingly insurmountable situations and change them into times of love, grace, peace, understanding.... God is good!!

PS - If you find yourself laughing at my pitiful cake, that's okay. I did too!

Holy Sexuality

Today I went a women's seminar on .... holy sexuality(, Batman! - this is what I add in my head every time I say these words! :) It was put on by the church where I attend a Mom's group. I found the topic very interesting and very timely for me. I think it is very interesting that people equate the word sexuality with the word sex. Sexuality is NOT JUST sex. It is what makes a person not the other gender. Most obviously, it is the organs that make them the gender they are, but it also the way God made us man and woman. Men and women have God-given differences in the way we are made-up. Our physiology is different - from the size our brains are and the way we use them to the way that our eyes literally focus. Our hormones are different - women have different hormone levels about every week of the month while men's hormone levels stay MUCH more stable. Our temperments are different - women are more nuturing and empathetic and men are more protecting and conquering. We even experience relationships differently - women find it easier to love, while men find it easier to respect. And SO MUCH MORE! Today, I have decided to embrace my womanhood more tightly and experience what it has to offer me. I am proud to be the WOMAN that God made me to be! And I have so much to learn....

Mr. Golden Sun

I *so* can't wait for the warmer days that are coming! It just seems like FOREVER since we've been able to go outside without asking the question, "what coat should I wear?" We are ready for Mr. Golden Sun! (which is a song that Madelyn learned at preschool and has been singing :) I'm ready for days in the yard, gardening or playing chase or hide-and-seek. I'm ready for trips to the park or wading pool. Ahhh.... just thinking about it makes me smile :)

And here is a similar pic without the sunglasses for you to enjoy....

Coupon $avings

Sometime in the past year (I really don’t remember when), I started cutting coupons. I didn’t realize then that cutting coupons takes discipline! I was cutting everything out that looked interesting. Then I was going to the store and not comparing the product that the coupon was for to the competing and off brand products. Oops…I could tell soon that this strategy was *not* $aving me much! I ended up spending on things we wouldn’t normally buy (although tasty and fun) and usually spending more than what I would have spent because I bought what the coupon was for. Hmmmm… it was time to revamp my strategy. So I did.

Now I cut only coupons for product that we already use or need and then still compare the after-coupon price to similar product prices. Okay, this might have seemed obvious and common sense to most. And I think that I always knew these things. But somewhere along the way I was “gotten” by the coupon advertising and, because I am trying to save time, I didn’t take the time to do the comparative shopping. Bad idea. My new strategy is actually $aving us more and is pretty simple to do… that is, when you are going to only one or two stores to buy your food and household products! I have found that going to multiple stores can $ave you more but can make it much more complicated and time-consuming! (An upcoming post on that soon!)

Siblings

It has been so wonderful watching Madelyn and Greyson grow up and grow together. I don't think I really knew how much staying home would change the way we interact with each other. We all know each other very well. Specifically, Madelyn and Greyson have gotten to be so close. They know when something is wrong with the other and how best to soothe. They tell each other secrets and laugh all the time. They fight over toys that they don't want to share really well too! :) I'm think that this time together, without much else in the way, will forge a deep and lasting friendship. I'm excited to see it shaping right in front of me and looking forward to seeing it grow more and more over the years!

In Progress

When I was working as an engineer I would have on my status report, such-and-such is "in progress". What was nice about that was eventually those things that were "in progress" would get the classification "complete". I feel like everything in my life right now is perpetually "in progress" and not destined for a "complete" classification. I know, I know, that is normal for a SAHM, but COM'ON! I need a "complete" on my status report! Okay, enough whining, time to get something done...

Madelyn and Sarah

Last Thanksgiving we took our bi-annual trip to north Louisiana/south Arkansas area to visit Ben's extended family. It was a lot of fun! During that trip, we stopped to look on Sarah's grave. She was buried in that area in Ruston, LA (my college town). We stop every time we go down there just to make sure the the site is kept up, the stone is still okay, and leave some flowers. I usually spend some of this time just reflecting on Sarah, my life, and how I can honor her and God in my life now. This trip was the third to include Madelyn, however this time she was old enough to question and start to understand the situation. So, she sat down with me by Sarah's stone and I told her, in very simple terms, that I had a baby in my tummy a LONG time ago that died and now lives with God and that I named that baby Sarah.... Madelyn didn't seem to really be paying attention or listening at the time. She did settle down into my lap for a minute though and when she did I started crying a little. Crying because I was half-way imagining holding my little Sarah and also because I was so overcome with joy to have my Madelyn. Of course, Madelyn asked me why I was crying and I told her it was because I was very happy to have her with me. Since we had been occasionally watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition as a family on Sunday nights, she was familiar with this idea of "happy crying". :)

Now, I'm realizing that she was listening after all in the cemetary that day. For since then, I had decided that I was not going to talk about Sarah for awhile. I am afraid that talking about Sarah will be confusing to Madelyn and that will bring feelings that just don't need to be dealt with right now. Everything in its own time. However, Madelyn has brought her up several times. She doesn't usually ask anything, she just retells the story to me that I told her. She did ask yesterday on the way home from church though, "if Sarah isn't there in the ground, where is she?" Then I said, "I think she went to live with God in Heaven. Do you think she likes it there?" To which Madelyn replied, "Yeah Mom, I think she does." I'm glad that Madelyn is starting to get to know Sarah and that one day I'll be able to tell her the rest of the story, the part where God used Sarah to draw me closer to him. Just not yet.....

the third time's a ......

Yesterday, Madelyn and I took a trip to the ER. She was playing with some friends at church before service and ended up with her face hitting a wall. I didn't see it so I don't how exactly how it (or she) went down, but I do know that it was deep enough to need some hefty stitches. So, off we went to get stitches for the THIRD time in the past year for a Rhodes child. (I'm starting to wonder if Ben and I are doing something wrong here....) We got there and Madelyn was pretty upset. I finally got out of her why - she thought that if we went to the hospital she was going to have to stay there, like overnight. I assured her "no, you don't have to stay" and she calmed down pretty well. When the doctor came in, she suggested gluing the cut located on her cheekbone instead of stitching it. I'm glad because it was much less traumatic and seems to be well put together to minimize scarring. She also said the one on her eyelid was superficial and didn't need any "stitching". This picture was taken shortly after coming home from the hospital yesterday. Today her eye has the additional hues of purple and red and some swelling. Madelyn is being such a big girl about all of this. She isn't upset about it, although she was a little shocked the first time she saw herself in the mirror after our ER trip yesterday.



Can I be honest for a second? I'm angry... I'm angry that my little girl has gotten this very prominent cut on her face and will probably have to look at a scar on her face for the rest of her life. I'm angry that I couldn't stop it from happening. I'm angry that we didn't deal with some of the issues that could have kept it from happening (like not letting Madelyn run in her sunday shoes). If it happened the way I've heard, I'm angry that she got pushed. I'm trying to confess this to God and allow him to heal this anger inside of me but I'm also having a hard time letting it go. When I really think about it, it's so petty to be angry about something so insignificant in the larger picture of life and love.

God, you are our Provider and Protector. I know, in my mind, that You are sovereign and that You know us better than we know ourselves. Lord, help me to see, in my heart, how you love us and desire to care for us despite all our shortcomings. Help me to see what is really important and not get stuck in the superficial, shallow trappings of this world. Please forgive me.

a no good, very bad day

I have to say that today has been a total stinker.... This morning I slam my elbow HARD into something and it hurt so much that my body decided to shut-down (read pass out) at which time I fell into a can of mineral spirits that left a large bump on my head. I woke up to Greyson saying "UP, Mama!" I think I was only out for about a minute. I felt bad for about an hour after that but was trying hard to shake it off. So, when Madelyn got home from preschool, I suggested to our neighbor friends that we go to the park and have a picnic (since it is gorgeous outside!). They agreed so we packed lunches and I grabbed my phone and camera too. Lunch was good and being outside was great. However, as we were going to leave, I couldn't find my camera. We scoured the place for about 30 minutes before I had to give up. I know I had it and I know that I put it down when I was catching Greyson from falling on his head. I remember thinking that I should put it with the wagon. Then I didn't and now it is gone. I don't want to leap to saying someone stole it, but I can't come up with another explanation. It isn't there anymore. I know it is just a thing and luckily I downloaded pictures just a few days ago, so I didn't lose but a few (really cute) pictures of the kids at a nearby lake. I'm more upset about the fact that I wasn't more careful. Things usually find their way back to me, but I don't think this one will.....

UPDATE!!! Ben found my camera!!! Woo-Hooo!!!! He stopped by the park on his way home and FOUND IT!! It was right by the picnic bench we sat at..... That is typical though. Ben teases me that I "couldn't find my butt with both hands"!

Downtroden and heavyladen

Believe me, my intent has not been to neglect this blog. In fact, I have 9, yes 9, posts waiting to be finished! A couple of them date all the way back to July 4th weekend. You, see, I have this thing about having to put posts up in order. I know, it is silly, but it seems wrong to put up a post about Madelyn's birthday, which was a couple weeks ago, when I haven't put up a post about Momma Susan's awesome birthday, which was a couple MONTHS ago! Ahhh! I'll tell you what is slowing me down. First, I have this backlog of pictures that need to be sorted and tagged. Jointly, Ben's family (including Ben and I) took over 1000 pictures on our trip for Momma Susan's birthday. There are some really good ones (really great ones too!) but there are a lot of stinkers that need to be purged. Then, since then we have taken almost another 1000 pictures too. The joys of having a new camera. And I have been procrastinating.... So, now I am starting to feel the pressure of getting it done. I need hardrive space (yes, I predicted this problem) and I definitely need to get the events of the last couple of wonderful summer months recorded. So, yes, I will be working on getting my 9 posts done and published. However, heed this as a warning - they will start at July 4th weekend. and work their way to the present. There is some good stuff in there, so don't miss any of it!

New Digital SLR Camera

Okay - I LOVE our new digital SLR camera! It really is amazing.... I didn't ever consider that we could have great pictures and the ability to shoot them endlessly for FREE! However, it is causing problems. Remember when I used to get pictures up on the web relatively quickly to share with friends and family? Well, now there is a bit of a problem with that. I was already sifting through 200 or so pictures a month to pick out the best 50 or 60 pictures to look at. But now, I have 500 pictures from June and OVER 1000 pictures from July(!) to go through. It is a daunting job and not one that I'm looking forward to.... therefore the delay in getting pictures uploaded. Sorry! Hopefully I will learn how to let go of (and therefore delete) the less-than-great pictures soon. Otherwise, we are also going to have a harddrive problem too!

11 years ago....

It was actually 11 years ago yesterday. I'm quite ashamed that I forgot.... Yesterday was Sarah's birthday. I remembered earlier in the week and thought about doing a cake in remembrance. I thought about starting a tradition to give my kids some way of knowing her and giving her a "place" in our family. I was having trouble with figuring out a good way of introducing the whole thing... then I mentally put it down... and promptly forgot. I'm so ashamed of myself, I forgot my Sarah's birthday. I know that it is a good sign that I'm not caught up in the past and that I'm fully living here. I'm just having a hard time with the feeling that I let her down. No, that's not quite right. That I let myself down in remembering her and what she, and what she brought to my life, means to me. I don't want to forget her or the wonderful closeness that she ushered in between me and my heavenly Father. I don't want to forget.... but I did.

I love you, Dad!

Dear Dad,

I feel so privileged to be the daughter of Michael Alan Cobb. You were (and are) such a terrific dad and grandpa. You always took an interested in what I was doing but was always careful to give enough freedom to allow me to find myself. However, you were also stern when stern was needed! (I'm specificly remembering the late night outing that I wanted to take!) During our last trip to Grant, I loved watching you with your grandchildren. I can tell that you are little out of practice, but that you loved having them around too. I wish we lived closer to you and Mom... it would be such a blessing to see you and kids interact more often! I would also just love to sit and talk and be with you.... I love you, Dad.

Well, Dad, I had this great idea about putting together a picture collage and having it printed and framed and sent to you - something you could put by your computer and I could update every so often with recent pictures. It really was (and maybe is) a great idea.... in theory. So, I got the collage done, no problem. However, the project got stuck there until it was too late. :( I am still planning to follow through, I promise. Let's plan on me having it for you at Christmas, okay?

a wedding and a funeral

Ben has returned home now. Before he left he happened to mention that he was "going to a wedding and a funeral" and I thought "how wrong does that sound?" From the reports that I have gotten, it sounds like everything went well. The wake, the funeral, the burial, the wedding, and the reception.... all within 48 hours. Amazing. Uncle Steve's wake was very well attended. It's said that there was a reception line that didn't end for 3.5 hours! I can't imagine the physical and emotional exhaustion that would come with receiving people for that long! And that was just the first of five physically and emotionally demanding events to occur.... Amazing. Ben was an honorary pallbearer at the funeral (mostly because the family didn't know if he was going to make it to be "real" pallbearer). He feels quite honored.

From reports I've heard, the wedding was wonderful. Yes, the bride broke down a couple times during the vows (expected), but all in all, the wedding was about the joy of the union and *not* about sadness over the man who wasn't able to make it. Thank you, Lord, for your loving mercy.

On Sunday, I sang in the praise team for service and, of course, one of the songs we sang was Blessed Be Your Name. Standing on stage, it brought me to tears (btw, not the ideal place to fall apart). The words are so poignant and remind me that life as God's child does not promise happiness, instead it promises joy and fullness and peace even in times of strife and trials.

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say:
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

I have a passage that was given to me during the hardest time of my life, when I lost my Sarah. This passage is now framed with a small bit of the flowers that I received then at the bottom of our stairs (thanks, Mom). I walk past it many times a day and probably read it once a week. It really does seem so backwards to think that my God isn't trying to make me happy. He is trying to bring me closer to Himself and to eternal joy and peace using many ways, including the hard times.

The very fire that blackens my horizons warms my soul. The darkness that oppresses my mind sharpens my vision. The flood that overwhelms my heart quenches my thirst. The thorns that penetrate my flesh strengthen my spirit. The grave that buries my desires deepens my devotion. Man's failure to comprehend this intention of God is one of life's true calamities.

James Means - A Tearful Goodbye

Thank you, God, for the the trials that come and go and for the devotion that deepens with each one.

Laptop Addiction

You know what is sad? I'm addicted to the laptop that I use for work. And since Tuesday is my last day of work, I have to turn it in.... I don't know what to do. I know that I'm going to go through laptop withdrawl and may need to use lots of swedish fish and Dr. Pepper to medicate my symptoms. I am already trying to figure out a way to find/buy a laptop to use. I hope I can find one soon before I have a complete mental breakdown! Seriously, it isn't that bad, but it is close. :)

What family photos?!?

Hey everyone! It has been awhile. I hope that everyone hasn't abandoned me yet. Right now, I'm sitting at my breakfast bar ALONE! It ha been awhile since I've has alone time in my own house. It is 8:05am and I can hear Madelyn stirring in her room but she hasn't come out yet. Greyson is sleeping, as is Ben. I'm sure that things will start buzzing with kids soon, but for this moment it is nice to have some quiet. Quiet is something we don't get much of these days. Ben goes between calling Madelyn a freight train and an elephant. The girl just doesn't have a volume knob - it is all or nothing with that girl! Greyson gets the short end of that deal because while he wants to take his morning nap, Madelyn has trouble remembering to keep it down. However, he and Madelyn take their afternoon naps at the same time so that is good. I am so glad that she is such a happy and active girl though. At school (daycare), she was just moved up to the Preschool class. This mixes her with the other 3 and 4 year olds. She *loves* it!! It is amazing how excited she gets about going and how happy she is when she comes home. I love that she loves it. Being a part of this class, the teachers ask that we bring in a small list of specific things. They are all reasonable and somewhat cute. One of these things is a a framed family picture. They send this 4x6 sized wooden frame home to decorate and provide a family picture for. Awesome idea!...but.... I can't find a recent family picture.... I know we took one at Christmas time, but come on, that was almost a year ago! And I can find *loads* of pictures of one of us parents with one or both kids but none with both Ben and I in it. Oh well, I guess that will be something that I will have to get this weekend. Maybe we will set the camera up on the tripod tonight so that we can take a quick picture before church tomorrow morning.

Ben and the kids after his table saw arrived.

About this new class thing, though, I'm wondering if I'm setting us up for a fall. You see, I love this class that she is in right now. It is *so* organized and you can tell that the teachers have put a lot of thought into their approach with the kids. The issue is that in two weeks I'm going to pull her out of this class. Why you ask? On November 1st I will be starting the kids in a new daycare that is actually located in the building that I work in. My work group moved to a new building that my company just built and they built a daycare in too. That will be very convenient but.... I have nagging concerns about moving Madelyn. She seems so happy in this new classroom and then to, first of all, pull her out of it and, second, move her to a class that hasn't really had time to get settled and figure out what they are doing. It seems like we could be trading having Madelyn in the better learning/fun atmosphere for convenience. But I think I've made a decision. I am going to stick with my plans and keep Madelyn in the new center until at least Christmas time (about two months). That will make Madelyn, Ben, and I give this new room a chance. Then, we'll re-evaluate and maybe move Madelyn back if we feel like the trade-off isn't worth it. I'm pretty sure that we can get her back in the first class at that time.....

By the way, I'm not worried about Greyson because I know his new teacher. She was Madelyn's 1-yr-old teacher and I love her! She moved over to the new center and I'm so glad that she did!

Aunt Liz came to visit last weekend - Yea!

If you did the math or looked at the calendar, you probably noticed that I left out about a three week gap between taking the kids out of old classes and starting them in the new classes. I'll be taking vacation and it will be me and the kids at home. I'm so excited! I've got a few projects lined up and can't wait to spend the extended time with them!

Mama - the sweetest name EVER!

Madelyn has given me a new name lately.... Mama. I never knew that a single word - a name - could make me feel so good. Somehow it is sweeter than Mommy or Mom. It makes my heart melt every time I hear it! The irony is that my Mom does not like being called Mama AT ALL! I used to tease her about it and call her Mama out of rebellion. The other day she asked me if Madelyn had tried calling me "Mama" and she hadn't yet, so I said "no". Well, the next day she started (did she hear us talking about it?) and it has stuck. I love it..... especially when it is followed by "I love you".